Everyone is laughing at the glitter dripping from my fingertips. Is a fucked-up girl still a fucked-up girl if her hair is wrapped in a ribbon? You look at my pink lips and you want to kiss all the pretty things that tumble out of them. I’m swallowing my own teeth instead of lying through them.
I only feel real when you’re next to me. Is that stupid to say? Never mind, never mind. There are bite marks under my knit sweaters and if you ever saw them I’d tell you I’m just trying to prove that I exist.
I’m trying to make it charming because when it’s not, no one will hold my hand. So what if I’m hurting too? All you know is everything is sweet and funny here and I will work to keep it that way.
You’ll find me in a coffee shop drinking your favorite flavor latte and I’ll smile. There is a butterfly notebook tucked into the pocket of my dress and you think it holds all the answers. You think if you just keep standing next to me, I’ll save you. I’ll sure as hell try.
Everything is aching from the effort of keeping myself upright. I’m tired but no one wants to rub my back so I pick a floral skirt from my closet and pull my hair back from my face. There is perfume behind my ears and it smells like apples. I wish you would kiss me first thing in the morning when I don’t taste like mint. I wish you would walk next to me even if I can’t tell you where you’re going.